Countdown Continues

Sometimes, as I get closer to a deadline, panic really sets in. Sometimes, as I get closer to a deadline, I come to the realization that I can't do anything else about it and I just tuck in for the remainder of the time. Fortunately, I am not panicked at this point. I still plan on practicing at least three hours on Thursday and again on Friday, but really, what else can I do? I'll do the best I can. The cantata will happen. People will worship because of what we add to the service or despite my playing, but worship is not dependent upon ME. I like to think that things are about me...but not so much!

As far as presents go. Well, I'd like to be well thought out, in search of the perfect gift and the best bargain and the perfect gift bag....but this year it may be more practical gifts and I may slap a bow on a Target bag. It's still the thought, right??

So, 2 more days of school.
3 more days to practice before the Cantata.
ONE WEEK to get all my shopping and wrapping done.

Take a deep breath and hang on tight!!!

5 more days

Ok. So now, I have a plan. A schedule. An OCD attempt to make me feel better about all the things I have to do in the next two weeks!!!

After an entire day of practicing piano and then wrapping the TWO gifts I have purchased, I have made a teeny tiny dent in my To Do List. Hopefully, tomorrow will go the way I think it should and the dent can grow.

Brooke - a kamikaze shopping trip sounds like it is exactly what I need. Got big plans on Saturday? :)

5 more days of school.
5 more days of current leadership.
6 more days until the cantata.
11 more days until Christmas.

Some of these countdowns are exciting....some of them are SCARY!!!! Regardless....they are all coming!

'Tis the Season

to be stressed?? Maybe. All I know is that I am really trying to take steps to stop it before it gets out of control. I spent all day at school today. Everything is ready for school for the entire week so that at least gets us through the rest of the year. Aside from daily grading, I think I'm set there. Tomorrow, I'll spend the entire day practicing the cantata. Actually, I'll spend part of the time rewriting it and the rest of the time practicing it. I'll be very happy when it is over. I am really starting to resent these things that make me wish away this holiday season. I'm not sure what the answer is. I've asked Dad if we can't spend just a few minutes each rehearsal on a different cantata song throughout the year - learning a song a month. I think it makes a lot of sense. He doesn't. So next year, I'll wave my arms around and HE can play. I'm not saying his job is easy...but it isn't quite as easy to spot his mistakes as it is mine!!! My biggest fear is that the cantata will not be what it should be because of me. That's not fair to those who have put it in all the hours at practices and extra sectional rehearsals. No pressure!

The next big stresser is the gift buying. I am usually finished shopping by now. This year, I haven't even started!!!!!!!!!!!!! That doesn't stress me out as much as the fact that I can't think of a time I am free to go shopping until December 20th! Then there's the wrapping!!! I don't want to buy a gift because it is convenient. I like well thought out gifts. I love finding those perfect things. I don't know that there is time to do that this year.

Then there's the travel. Not only do we need to be ready for Christmas here...we need to be ready to travel another 10 hours and have Christmas with family. I soooo want to be there. I sooooo don't want to go. Didn't we JUST get out of the car for Thanksgiving?

On a POSITIVE note, let me just say that my new favorite Christmas song is You're Here by Francesca Battistelli. I have yet to listen to it that it doesn't just move me to tears. I just can't imagine what Mary must have been thinking....but to notice his tiny hands and to know that someday He would stretch out those hands and save the world....that's just AMAZING! And because of reminders like that I am praying that I can let go of all of this other STUFF and really find and keep the focus of the reason for this season.

Streams of Consciousness Lead to Mud Puddles and Waterfalls.....

I am finishing up at school and waiting for some CDs to burn so I thought I'd write a short note. The last few months have been really rough and for reasons that I am still trying to wrap my brain around, I have been completely miserable. I've wavered between telling people of my misery to the point of worrying about losing the friends I have and keeping everything tucked neatly away inside until I have a complete melt down in the most random of places. Neither are good choices. I know that God has put me in this place for a reason - even if that reason is to come to a realization that I no longer belong here. I know that He doesn't give us things we can't handle. I also know that I am not handling any of this well...or right. I am so thankful for glimpses of peace and happiness and am sooooo excited about seeing both of those as well as three of my most favorite people on the planet this weekend. (5 if you count the Shanes!) I want to be thankful for the reason and spirit of this amazing season instead of allowing it to stress me to the point of being unable to enjoy or appreciate it! I am suddenly tired of being all things to some people and am anxious to discover who I have really become. Yet, that journey scares the crap out of me too. I want to become very excited about the changes that I hope are coming.

What I am ALREADY very excited about is the idea of seeing some of my very best friends and worshiping with them at tomorrow night's Shane and Shane concert. I am also super excited about celebrating Christmas with them! I can hardly wait to get there and see everyone and watch the opening of the presents! Anyone who knows me knows that I go a little crazy this time of year. I can be a little silly, but I love to watch people open gifts! I wrap some of the craziest things just so I can watch people open them! (I don't wrap single socks when giving a pair - I'm not that far gone, but I do very RARELY put more than one item in a package even if there is room! I like lots of gifts! :) It's just fun!!) So I spent the better part of last night wrapping presents that we will rip into over the next 36 hours and I can hardly wait to load the car and go! At first it was a little stressful to have Christmas so early. It kind of snuck up on me and I was worried about being ready, but I am so glad it is this weekend! Hopefully, I will remember to take many pictures and be able to preserve some of this goodness!!

Wow...this was kind of random in all ways, but that's where I am now! Enjoy!

Have I Been Here Before?

It has been so long since I have done this, I'm not sure I remember how! I don't have time to actually be doing this right now, but in case anyone ever looks at this, I just wanted to post some hope - I think I am going to start blogging again! New computer, high speed internet, lack of blocks at school...I think someone is trying to tell me to start again! We'll see what happens. For right now, I just want to try to make my blog look pretty! So bear with me!